- Top Speed
WTF!!!! People actually pay for an “ok” car to be converted into this conversation piece: the Mike Vetter Extra Terrestrial Vehicle Kit Car. So the story goes, I’m hungry, so I decide to go eat, after starving myself, before going food shopping. They say you shouldn’t go shopping on an empty stomach, but who are ‘they’? Why the hell are ‘they’ telling me what to do with my stomach? Are people so weak that they can’t control themselves and stick to the shopping list? Anyway, I pull up to the pizza store and there is this unique looking gray car parked outside. Low to the ground, futuristic, Blade Runner-type car. It was around 7PM on the East Coast on a cool and dark October night, and anyone who knows the Jersey Shore knows that we have a melting pot of people coming to visit year round. Most of the so called tourists leave by the end of September, however there are a few crazies that stay around afterwards cause they love where they spent most of their lives. These crazies usually are seniors, aged 55 and older.
Well let’s get back to the car. It was a cute thing, obviously a kit car, and it caught my eye. It also caught the eye of several others in the parking lot, all circling around this small piece of candy, wanting to drive it, own it, but mostly coveting it. Taking pictures, posing with their kids as if this were some exotic beauty that their poor asses could never afford. Well, you all know me; I’m a hater. A hater to the MAX!!!!! I refused to join in the Idiot circus. I refused to be happy along with all the impoverished folks who have realized that they will never be more than what they are, who they are, and what the’ve succumbed to. I mean look at that car. It was, in my mind, definitely some asshole who wanted attention. A full on hard ass that wanted you to lick his peanuts and kiss his rump. He was probably somewhere watching all the fanfare; loving the attention. I was not going to let him see me acting like a giddy school girl in love with her first love.He was not going to win. ENOUGH!!!!! I am hungry! Pizza store here I come.
I walk my hungry body into the pizza store along with some dirty redneck whore chick, that I held the door for, and proceeded to try to order. You see, I knew she was a whore cause, I can tell a coal-burner when I see one. What the hell was I thinking letting that dirty chick ahead of me? This loser bitch goes to the counter and starts to talk about the car. Fuck my life!!! All I want is food. I don’t want to hear about that car. I don’t want to hear about how she feels about the car. Nice ass though. Her cut off Daisy Dukes fit her well. Looks like someone’s been eating lots of mac-n-cheese, potatoes, and Sketti; as Honey Boo Boo calls it. Too bad you won’t be having the pleasure of me giving you the pleasure. But I digressed…. Sorry. Now the dumb trick waitresses and counter boy all want to go outside and see this car that this Ghetto Barbara Walters came in raving about. Wait!!!! What about me? I’m hungry. Who cares? No one. it was all about the car. I then see this guy. An older guy and his lady friend; maybe his wife. They don’t move. They don’t run outside with everyone else. They probably already saw the car. He asks me, “Did you see the car?,” I answered, “Yes.” He followed with, “Did you like it?” I answered, “It’s a nice conversation piece but not for me right now. Right now I’m hungry.” He gets up and goes outside. Obviously he either didn’t care for my opinion or I seemed like the kind of guy who knew the difference between a nice car and a piece of garbage. His lady doesn’t budge. I ask her why doesn’t she go see car. She says, “I hate that thing. Everywhere we go he has to show off and talk about the car. He bought it in Florida and drives it up here for the attention. Wasted half our savings on it and all these young girls want to go for rides. Totally forgets about me.” Now I know the story. This poor hag wants the love of her man and he wants the love of the people. Loser. Yeah, for a split second I wish she was more attractive so I could treat her the way she needed and have her walk away thinking about this loving for the rest of her sad dying days. Car doesn’t even cost that much to convert. The two of them are headed for the poor house soon if they don’t sell that thing and get the half of their measly savings back.
Five minutes later everyone came back inside and I eventually got my food. After all was said and done, my body was nourished, his ego was fed , and his wife, yes she was his wife, well she was left with her yearning. I hope she gets that fixed. I heard Mr. Marcus is ready, willing, and able. SMH. I went back outside to my car and proceed to go shopping. At the end of the night all I kept thinking about was the guy, his wife and the car. I guess he won in a way, because here I am writing about it. For him, buying the car was a Bitch move, but he’s happy. I would never buy that shit. In fact, I’m not gonna be a bitch and talk bad about the car, but I will give you the search words, in the title of this post, so you can go check it out for yourself. Go ahead. Go check on it.
Btw, I took a picture of the car. Yeah, he won. Jerk!